What is the definition of a toxic person?
A toxic person can be defined as follows: “This is an iindividual who poisons the existence of one or more peoplewhich makes you uncomfortable in his presence, with whom you do not feel pleasant »says Virginie Megglé, psychoanalyst.
It is about a behavior and not of a pathology, even if the term has a real resonance.
A toxic person can be found anywhere: at work, among family, friendsor even it may be his or her spouse.
How to recognize a toxic person?
A person can be toxic for oneself, and not necessarily for other people. So what are the signs of a toxic person? They are varied and not necessarily the same from one person to another, because a toxic person can have different behaviors: “It may be someone who asks all the time for serviceswho sI deliver too mucha person who don’t respect anythingWho has no limit »enumerates the psychoanalyst.
If the toxic person has no awareness of the other, it may be because she herself has not been respected. “A toxic person can be someone who was not listened to in their youth, who was abused. This is why, often, at first, it touches us. And so we let ourselves be caught in its nets”explains Virginie Megglé.
If there is different degrees of toxicityone is particularly serious because it can be toxic to many people: “It’s about the manipulative personwarns Virginie Megglé. There malicious person – but whose manipulation is not conscious – exerts pressure on the other, seeks to obtain, often indirectly, something, systematically reproaches more or less disguised, complains, has a hold on the other … »
How a toxic person does it choose ‘its prey’? “Toxic people victimize people who are fragilewhich are in a state of affective dependance and which are therefore easy ‘bait’, or which are in a form of naiveteexcess of benevolence, warns the psychoanalyst.
What are the types of toxic people?
It is difficult to assess the profile of a toxic person. However, it can be said that“A toxic person is a person who is, themselves, dependentwho has need to feel important facing a vulnerable person. Very egocentricshe does not recognize that she is hurting the other »explains the psychoanalyst.
How do you feel about a toxic person?
To know if we are confronted with a malicious person, above all, we must trust how we feel about the other who bothers us, the bad person for us. Some signs should alert. Virginie Megglé details them below:
– A feeling sick in the presence of the toxic person. We adopt a behavior that is not natural, which is not the usual one in the presence of ‘normal’ people.
– A feeling of inferiority : the latter can result in the fact of do not dare to speak as one usually would, a fear of doing wrong, of being subjected to disparaging remarks, of to feel diminished…
– A want to be unkind : feeling on the ‘qui vive’ one wants to be unkind, but one does not dare because, in fact, one fears his reactions.
– A feeling of to feel guilty.
– A feeling of emptiness because the toxic person ‘pumps’ a lot ofenergy.
How to protect yourself from a toxic person?
When one is under the influence of something harmful for oneself such as alcohol, drugs, it is difficult, first, to recognize it, then to detoxify. It is the same with a toxic person. “The first rule is to protect yourself, to be kind to yourself, to dare to talk about yourself, to say that you are not well with such and such a person, to verbalize the discomfort”, advises Virginie Megglé.
At the same time, the toxic person can’t hear that you don’t want to see her anymore. She thinks it’s us who are not well. So how to act? Here is what the psychoanalyst proposes to do:
– Inquire to see if other people feel the same against the malicious person.
– Must Sto put away of the toxic person, to distance themselves, in order to regain their senses, their strength, but without rage against the other. Once the person is detoxified, the horizon turns. emerges, new opportunities reveal themselves.
– You have to learn to ignore the toxic personto no longer indulge in it easily.
– You have to gain self-esteem, congratulate yourself when you progress.
How to destabilize a toxic person?
Certain attitudes can be put in place. They will be different depending on the circumstance: are you the victim of a malicious person in your professional environment, in your relationship?
toxic person at work
Walking away from a toxic person at work can be complicatedfor several reasons: the first may be the fear of losing his job, but also because in the workplace toxicity can be sneaky, the person can get even meaner if confronted. However, Virginie Megglé considers “that it is sometimes better to lose one’s job, one will find another one more or less easily of course, than to allow oneself to be mistreated. »
To destabilize a toxic person at work, “you have to dare to say no to yourself by refusing to let yourself be hurt, it’s not cowardice but taking care of yourselfreassures the psychoanalyst. This is how we learn to say no to each other. »
Getting rid of a toxic spouse is also difficult because “there is a kind of agreement, of acceptance that has been created over time, thinks the psychoanalyst. There is also the fear of losing love, of being alone. »
So how to react? “You have to dare to express what you refuse, no longer pretend to love the other when he or she is toxic”advises Virginie Megglé.
One can, of course, have recourse to personal therapy as well as couple therapy. “But, sometimes, it is better to leave the other to avoid a rampage”believes the psychoanalyst.
What harm can a toxic person cause?
Break free from the grip of toxic psychological relationship is particularly important because failure to do so can have adverse health effects.
“A toxic, malevolent person empties the other of his substancewarns the psychoanalyst. This can lead to many disorders: loss of autonomy, loss of free will, depression, burn-out…”.
How do you treat a toxic person?
It’s not simple ! “A toxic person has a high opinion of themselves.warns the psychoanalyst. She wants and thinks she is doing good but, in reality, it is the opposite: she is doing harm. »
First, she has to recognize that what she is doing is wrong, that she is too intrusive. “Then, it is important that she follows psychotherapy with a particularly benevolent therapist”, advises Virginie Megglé.
And if we speak more and more, today, of a toxic person, it is not because this attitude did not exist before. “It’s because before we talked very little about ourselves, we had to ‘swallow’ things, contain ourselves, thinks the psychoanalyst. So, that now, the word is freed. Which is good, because if you manage to transform a toxic psychological relationship, you do good not only to yourself but also to the other. »